Jesus has been hard at work on my heart these past couple months. As spring came, so did my own awakening. This quote from C.H. Spurgeon sums it up right:

"Fair weather is smiling upon the face of the earth, and He would not have me spiritually asleep while nature is all around me awaking from her winter's rest. He bids me "Rise up," and well He may, for I have long enough been lying among the pots of worldliness. He is risen, I am risen in Him, why then should I cleave unto the dust? From lower loves, desires, pursuits, and aspirations, I would rise towards Him."

I really don't even know how best to document this transformation happening in me. So, naturally, I'll make a list. Here are just a few of the lessons and thoughts that are changing my life lately.... it would be so sweet if the Lord uses them to bless someone else in their walk with Him, and I pray that He would! But regardless, I still need to be writing them down, for my own sake.

1. My sin. I will begin at the beginning. It really all started on March 5th. On this day in history, I saw my sin. I mean, it wasn't the first occasion for that to happen, but this was different. It was nap time at our house, I went to the guest room to sit on the bed and feed Casper and I started to read my bible. Suddenly, like a grand unveiling, the Holy Spirit convicted me of sin. It was a specific sin that had been lying stagnant under the surface for years and the Lord revealed it to me in a new light.  I was deeply grieved by what I had done/had been doing. I felt the weight of my guilt. I felt the depths of His grace. I had felt them both before, but this was the heaviest and deepest (respectively) they had ever been to me. It was so hard and sad, so liberating and wonderful. My heart was broken, but bursting at the same time! All because of Jesus. I knew this revelation, this sin experience, was going to change me; it was going to unlock the dungeons of my heart and mobilize my will to fight against sin. Grant came home from work and found me still sitting on the guest bed, holding a sleeping Casper, crying my eyes out. He was so excited for me when I told him what had happened. And it was one of the best days of my life.

2. Feeling, tasting, seeing. Just moments after awakening to my sin, I went googling. I was looking up the bible verses I wanted to read for instruction and finding some articles for encouragement, and the Lord brought me right here:

"...maybe God has brought you to this point of feeling your guilt so that grace would taste sweeter than it ever has. We have to see our sin, but some of us have grown up in such goody-goody homes that we don't think we've ever done anything serious." - John Piper, emphasis mine.

The day after, I posted this photo to Instagram, to help me remember what had been done for me. There's nothing like a selfie to mark your memory. ;)



3. My good resolve. Just 2 days before seeing my sin, this devotional was preparing my heart. And it has left a scar on my sin attitude that, Lord willing, will not soon fade away.


4. The fight. This was so inspiring to me! Now that I am awake to my sin, and one in particular that I will do battle with on a daily basis, I can fight it! And how do I fight against sin? What do I do when I feel myself starting to cave to it? This tool is the first thing I turn to, because it works. And because it has become part of the way my mind moves. When I first heard it, it made so much sense. Piper's A.P.T.A.T. -- write it out somewhere, my friends. Here's the simplest explanation.


Well, these 4 items barely scrape the icing off this cake the Lord has handed me this spring. More heart issues to be shared soonish, so I'll say To be continued...

When I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, I was so excited to have a second chance at the newborn stage. That rough, sleepless, selfless stretch of days and nights that rock you to your core when you first become a mother. I wanted to do it over again, and do it so much better. But mostly, I wanted to simply enjoy it. This time around, with God's grace and my husband's help, with experience under my belt and perspective to keep in my head, I'm able to appreciate so much about this first month with our new baby. He needs me so much, and it's all going by in a blink.


We just finished our first week at home with Daddy being at work and we're finding out what this new normal looks like. Right now it looks a lot like this: nursing, grabbing snacks for Hadley, eating one-handed while nursing, changing diapers, a little dishwashing and vacuuming, all while wearing the same clothes as yesterday :) and with a soundtrack of Daniel Tiger episodes and Harrison Ford movies from the 90's. I'm not getting a lot done, but I'm definitely breaking in our couch cushions. And there's nowhere else I need to be. Simple days. Happy days!

If you have a little one of your own, you know that each week brings some kind of change. Grant and I are constantly telling each other, "All of a sudden this week he/she is doing this." (insert something to do with sleeping, eating, teething, talking, etc.) Then, by next week, that stage is over and they're on to something new. My goal with this new normal, and all the weekly transitions ahead of us, is to enjoy every stage. As we're laughing about the latest cool thing our kids did or troubleshooting the latest issue that popped up or I'm sitting down on the couch to nurse again, I want to be aware that this is our stage. Right here. It's happening! And not let it go by without being grateful for it. I'm starting a new hashtag on Instagram to help me record parts of each stage and be thankful for them. If you guys want to join in, tag your photos with #enjoyeverystage. A quick photo really helps me realize the awesomeness of the moment.

ps. Speaking of which, Hadley is saying some fun things nowadays. She calls Casper "Chaus" and when he's crying she says, "Mom! Chaus cry-ee!" She's also been emptying the dishwasher and grabbing stuff to change Casper's diaper. And she's been answering every question with either "Um, of course!" or "No, no, thanks."

Yesterday was one of those days where you walk across the room doing one task, and by the time you get to the other side of the room, you're on a different mission completely. My to-do list was in full swing, and so were the sidetracks. Basically, I ran around the house wearing myself out, avoiding the big jobs that were hanging most over my head. I was glad to be getting the little things done, but I'm sure I could have done them more peacefully knowing the bigger tasks were done or underway.

When I finally took a moment to sit down at our table, and talk with Jesus, and read a little Spurgeon, I found this (see quote above). This passage had been underlined by Grant years ago, but it was perfect for me at that moment. It talked about how we all think "later we'll attend to the serious things" and it ends up being a lifetime of later. Which can either be a lazy or an exhausting way to spend a life, ironically. For me constantly avoiding a job takes effort- it saps my energy and thoughts. My time at the table ended in asking for His wisdom to know how to catch the flying hour instead of flying around my house, refusing to be caught.

So what was on the agenda for the day? (because some day I will come back to this post and wonder what I was so supposedly "busy" with)

Laundry, printing invoices and processing orders from my little shop, vacuuming, a bath for Hadley, potty training, baking and photographing some cookies for a blog contribution I'm doing soon, dishes, going to the chiropractor, making a new batch of homemade diaper wipes, washing bedding, cooking some soaked quinoa, cleaning the kitchen and our bedroom, washing out the crockpot, making a packing list for Thanksgiving, planning a meal to bring on the road trip to Grandma's, cleaning out the fridge, and making my sister-in-law Heidi's yummy honey mustard chicken.

Blogged 2 years ago: Simple Roasted Cauliflower Soup

I had a great, great lesson the other day and I'm so excited to write about it here. You guys, if we don't plan, we will just keep doing the same old thing. (!!! - this is what just happened to my brain.) I know this is so basic. It's such an obvious assessment, but I was reading a devotional the other night about planning to have a prayer life and it completely stopped me in my tracks...

I love that sentence. The opposite of planning is the rut. Think about it... if we don't plan to go somewhere or do something, we will probably stay home and watch tv. If we don't plan what's for dinner, we'll probably have cereal/popcorn/Mcdonalds again. If we don't make a plan for this and that, we'll keep the same habits, wear the same outfits, eat the same things, talk to the same people, watch the same show, do our hair the same way, and we won't get to experience significant things - grow- change - learn - make progress.

I was deeply challenged by this devotional, by the urge and encouragement to make plans both in prayer and in other areas of my life. I've always been a planner in some things, but this gives new importance and encouragement to the idea. I hope that spending time blogging about it today will make it harder for me to ignore it. I tend to remember what I write about here. Because I know it would be so easy to keep prodding on in my happy rut. That's the hard thing for me, I like my rut. I fear change. I fear the sacrifice of time. That's where my real challenge will be. Am I willing to devote time to making and keeping new plans?

John Piper ends his Plan for Prayer devotional like this:
"... My simple exhortation is this: Let's take time this very day to rethink our priorities and how prayer fits in. Make some new resolve. Try some new venture with God. Set a time. Set a place. Choose a portion of Scripture to guide you. Don't be tyrannized by the press of busy days. We all need midcourse corrections. Make this a day of turning to prayer- for the glory of God and for the fullness of your joy."

There! Doesn't that get you excited about change? About making a plan? I know it does me. I need to remind myself of this when I get too comfortable in my rut.

I've been talking about these 50 Promises memory cards that are available in my shop, and I often forget to share how much I use them myself. When I'm having an off day, when I feel unmotivated, anxious, or just completely out of joy (it usually hits me in the mornings) I like to sit down on the couch and just flip through the whole stack of cards all in one go. It's like a shot in the arm. Really. 

But usually at some point during the week there is a situation that comes up, or a worry that won't leave my mind, that calls for picking one promise in particular. I read that one promise over and over and coach my mind to think on it. I pray over it, and I plead it. We glorify God when we plead His promises. He loves it when we take one of His own promises back to Him and say,"Do as You have said, Lord." As C.H. Spurgeon says in his legendary devotional book Morning & Evening (which, let me just say, YES, I highly recommend buying this one or finding an app for it):



Last week I was facing a situation that was (and still is) confusing and hard and sad and painful. I was aching to have clarity on how to handle/respond to it. I needed to respond to it somehow, and I needed to decide how I was going to do that. I needed guidance. And the Lord brought this verse to mind- Psalm 32:8, Promise #38 in my the memory card collection:
I had just seen this verse not long ago in one of my devotional readings and knew it was for me. It was perfect- exactly what I needed. I did recite it over and over to myself, day by day, all week long. And I did go to the Lord with it and I asked Him to "do as He said." And He did. I found rest for my mind and made my decision, knowing that He had instructed me. The only One who gives perfect wisdom, who never changes, and never fails.

My friends, I know you are facing lots of decisions today, this week, and always. Let me encourage you with my own experience from last week. When you are anxious about a decision you need to make, battle the unbelief, stress, and worried thoughts with the promise of Psalm 32:8.

Now it's your turn to talk! Are you using His promises and cashing them in day by day? Yay! Please, if you feel like sharing, I'd love to hear a particular promise that you have pleaded lately. Let's encourage each other and give praise to Jesus by talking about all the great things He has done for us. It doesn't have to be a long comment, just a quick reference or word of praise, because...

I've been mentioning to you guys that I recently re-read Farmer Boy, one of the much loved Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I have fond memories of this book in particular, because as a little girl I was completely fascinated by their simple (but hard-working) life and their good food. And Farmer Boy is chock-full of amazing food! While reading it this time, I took notes on all of their meals and methods so I could google them later. I couldn't help it; every piece of information felt so valuable. How to make wintergreen extract? And what are watermelon rind pickles? Vinegar pie?! I have to try it. Now that I know a bit more about traditional food, I'm hungry for more knowledge and I love how it's presented in the Little House books; simple enough for a child to understand, or someone living in 2013. I liked reading about how each season held its own jobs, from tapping trees to berrying, from sowing seeds to butter-making, from harvesting to threshing, from butchering to candle-making.


I have a sweet next-door neighbor. Our kitchen windows face each other, and I often wonder if she wonders if I ever leave that room. She must see me in there all the time! Every once in awhile I have the fleeting thought, "I spend too much time in the kitchen. I should try to make faster food so I can get more things done, other than our meals." That simply couldn't have been the mindset of the Wilder family, because their life was built around getting dinner on the table. This was what was so enchanting to me as a little girl while reading these books! Life was so simple. You work to eat. Food = life and life = food. Everything they did was to ensure that they'd have enough food to last until next year, and enough energy to do the work. Overall, I came away from the book refreshed by this thought. It re-affirmed that the time I spend in the kitchen is anything but wasteful. I recently stumbled on a staggering fact:

“Americans spend a smaller percentage of their income on food than any people in history—slightly less than 10 percent—and a smaller amount of their time preparing it: a mere thirty-one minutes a day on average, including clean-up.”

excerpt from The Food Movement, Rising. I cannot imagine what Almanzo's mom would have done if all her work for the day were finished in half an hour, but it may have been an appreciated holiday... for a few days. After a while, work is welcome. This is coming from someone who has been snow-stranded for for 4 days and is a little anxious for routine to return. I do know that the Wilder family seemed to really enjoy the fruit of all her hours-long labor. You should hear what their meals consisted of!

Oatmeal with cream and maple sugar, fried potatoes, buckwheat pancakes, sausages, doughnuts, apple pie, ham, baked beans, mashed potatoes and turnips, stewed pumpkin, bread with butter and strawberry jam, plum preserves, pumpkin pie, creamed carrots, apples and onions, chicken pie, roast beef, beet pickles, birds nest pudding, ice cream, egg nog, popcorn, cider, cranberry jelly, baked squash, fried parsnips, cookies, apple turnovers, and cream pie. Oh my. They worked hard and they were hungry.

So, anyway. Lately every time I'm in the kitchen, I find myself thinking of Mrs. Wilder and how she  probably would have been working on dinner for a few hours already. I've been thankful for the reminder that time I spend in the kitchen, especially upwards of the 31 minute average, is time invested in a worthwhile thing. Also, lately I'm really in the mood to make big meals and pie. :)

This is hugely encouraging, and for me, a commission of sorts. By saying "quality time," Elisabeth is referring to the idea in our society of reserving a chunk of time to do something entertaining with your kids. Although not a bad thing in any way- quality time is fantastic- it is not the same as being together, participating together in the daily routine. In the daily routine is where our kids are learning This is what we do, This is how we do it, This is where things go. They learn by watching. The power of influence is extraordinary.

My thoughts as I encountered this quote:

1. It's so encouraging to know something important is going on just by having a routine and letting my daughter be a part of it. I'm re-excited about spending typical days with her, letting her watch me do a thing 50 times, so that she'll know how to do it for herself. That's important! It's my job to start showing her that she's a necessary and appreciated member of the family.
2. I'm motivated! Let's do these ordinary days! Hardly anyone but me sees how the hours are spent at home on an ordinary day, but big things are established in these little known hours. I want her to see that we put our heart into the work God has given us to do today and draw her into the acceptance of responsibility as early as possible.  (Read E. Elliot's Serious Play, Careless Work for more notes on this)
3. I'm humbled. My influence on her is so concentrated. How I clean up a spill or a broken bowl is being watched oh. so. carefully.
4. I need help. She will need thousands of reminders and repeated orders and corrections. I will need wisdom, and I will need to stop whatever I am doing to help/discipline her. I will mess up and miss out on opportunities to teach something. I will get worn out and will wonder whether the way she puts that thing away or climbs on this piece of furniture really matters. But I'm praying for faithfulness and patience.
5. At this point, still being under 2 years old, we are limited in height and motor skills as to how much Hadley can help me. But I can let her watch. If there's one thing I've learned about my toddler, it's that she is interested in whatever I am doing. So, I'm giving myself a challenge. Even though it's harder to do things efficiently with her underfoot, let her watch. Let her see a thing being done thoroughly. daily. faithfully. carefully. orderly. That will mean a sacrifice of time and attention from me, but it's the sort of attention that she can't have too much of, and it will repay me later.
6. I have a dream. It's after dinner time and my family is in the kitchen with me, putting away leftovers (depending on how many mouths there are, maybe there won't be any), washing dishes, talking about stuff, and we like getting a job done together.

I hope this post will be an encouragement for you guys in your plain old ordinary days, too! Writing it out helps me so much. I'm excited about the days ahead. This post kinda goes hand in hand with this song from last Friday. :)

If you have been reading this blog long at all, you probably know that I love this lady Elisabeth Elliot. Wife of missionary Jim Elliot and a superb author. She often gives me something to think on that lasts years and years. I'm surprised how many of the things rolling around in my mind are from reading just a few of her books. Here are a few favorites... Keep A Quiet Heart, Let Me Be A Woman, Passion & Purity, The Shaping of A Christian Family, Discipline: The Glad Surrender.

Here are my resolutions for 2013.

1. Learn to curl my hair. With the help of the curling wand I got from my twin sister for Christmas! She's a hair stylist and she bought me the same one that she used on clients. It's this one.
2. Learn to blog faster.
3. Be peaceful.
4. Ephesians 4:31-32. Here's the checklist: Get rid of all bitterness, anger, and slander. Be kind, be tenderhearted, forgive.

Last week I finished Little Women. I wouldn't have bothered getting to the end of those 1,112 pages unless I loved it. (I loved it.) It's the perfect cheery read for Christmastime. I wanted it to go on forever. There are a handful of film versions of the story already, but please someone make a new one and make it at least 6 hours long!

Today is such a blustery Wednesday. It makes me grateful for walls.
I really like it blustery. I love to hear the wind sound angry.
Today the leaves are attacking our house.
Today Hadley woke up extra early and got to hang out with Daddy before he left for work.
Today I took a shower while Hadley watched Little Bear.
Today we ate eggs and bananas.
Today I have navy nails!
Today I sent my twin sister some encouraging words (borrowed from Spurgeon) about life.. and labor.
She's due in one month!!
Today I'm listening to the Harry Potter soundtrack, of course. Because it's fall.
Today the neighbor's tree is the perfect mustard yellow, and it looks great from our front window.
Today I took some quick photos of Hadley's room, to show you.
Today someone was giving away squash in the teachers' lounge, so Grant picked out some for us.
Today Grant will send me emails from school, which are the best.
Today Hadley "helped" me vacuum.
Today I will finish reading Rainbow Valley by L.M. Montgomery.
Today at naptime I raced to the kitchen to wash dishes (as I do everyday) and wipe counters and restock our paper towel holder and make chai and get myself over to the desk to work on things.
Today I'm excited to make some prints to sell.
Today we will play, color, clean, nurse, dance, sing, golf, point to our noses and eyelashes, watch a Pomplamoose music video, read, and hopefully put away some clean laundry.
Today I will email my mom. She just made my banana bread.
Today after school I'm going to the gym. Ellen will probably be on.
And Grant is taking me to a neighbor's garden to pick some free kale!
Tonight I will make a chicken dinner.
Tonight we'll talk about last night's Presidential Debate some more. And watch some news.
Tonight Grant will take tickets at the high school football game. I'm not sure why there's a game on a Wednesday.
Tonight Hadley will be ready for bed around 7:00- which was last month's new development. We still marvel at this.
Tonight we'll make plans for the wedding we're going to this weekend.
All day today I will keep thinking about what a sweet day it is. My husband is coming home right after work, my baby likes to play and sleep, my house is safe. My dishes are done. 
Today there aren't many hard things, but there are some, as always.
But today I'm glad about our ordinary things, both hard and sweet.

yesterday was grant's first day back to school. it is a notoriously rude day, cutting into any routines we had gotten into since coming home from camp and generally breaking the three of us up. i always have a hard time transitioning. i knew the familiar feeling would come while saying goodbye and watching him drive away: here we go... day 1 of the 270 that lie ahead. oh boy.

so i was determined to pray. it was going to be a long, 12-hour day for grant and potentially a lonely/sad time for me. but i didn't want my own (bad) attitude to rule the day. i asked Him to fill my heart with His joy. and i just wanted to write it down: He did. we made it! i found myself appreciating tiny things all day long… getting a pan washed, taking Hadley for a walk, eating guacamole, baking some chicken, opening the kitchen window, seeing the sun.. everything. i was not feeling discouraged. by His grace, i was feeling thankful- cheerful, even! thank you, Jesus for answering prayer! i love that our God is faithful. and He will be faithful through another school year.

unrelated photo is of a teeny flower i found in my broccoli from the farmers market. sweet, isn't it? 
store-bought broccoli does not have flowers :) 

it's here. JUNE. the birth month. the one when this "imaginary" baby that i've been carrying will become real. i kept reminding myself this morning. june first. june first! each time i realize it a little excited shake runs through me. i'm ready. speaking of which, i've been getting some feedback about the post where i mentioned feeling "peaceful" as we enter the waiting period for the baby. yes, i do! and i wanted to clarify something about that.

this is not because i am naturally a super relaxed and confident person.

by nature i am pretty shaky, but the Lord has been doing an awesome work in my heart throughout this pregnancy. with the coming of a baby, i've needed His guidance on fear, strength, trust, and peace, and He has given it in abundance. if i shared all of the verses/quotes/reminders i've written down on my notecards during the past months it would be enough fill 10 blog posts, but i want to jot down at least a few things so i can remember what the Lord was teaching me before the baby came.