the minute Hadley is happy in her swing or settled down for a nap my mind is absolutely reeling with thoughts of all the things i am going to get done. that is how i tick. i am a hopeless perfectionist who thrives on being producive and is easily stressed when things pile up. but, i can't let myself get carried away with the to-do list because the job will no doubt be interrupted before i finish. i will hear her almost 4-month-old voice carry through the house, and my progress will stop. time's up! and then i have a choice. let my heart sink at the thought of everything that didn't get done, or be grateful for a tiny baby that needs me and will surely be smiling when i pick her up and say, "hi, babycakes!".
priorities. they get absolutely skewered when your first baby hits the scene. sleeping and eating and surviving are your assignments. but now that sleep has become a regular part of life again, other jobs are back in the front of my mind. and i am constantly asking myself "should i be doing this right now?" -constantly trying to pinpoint what is the most pressing. my to-do tasks feel like so many shuffled cards rather than an ordered list. any one of them could be the most important thing at the moment. gradually i am stacking them up though, realizing the things that can wait, and remembering that real life comes with interruptions. and i pray that when they show up uninvited to my being-productive party, i will respond in a joyful way. maybe i can even learn to expect them, realizing the oppprtunity to see God design my day. (did i think I was in control?)
so for the time being, the bits of my day where i can accomplish things are random, and i am still figuring out how to best manage it. i do struggle with feeling behind, feeling like i am letting people down. some nights i go up to our room and lament the fact that our sheets aren't freshly washed and the stuff that was sitting on the floor yesterday is still there today. but (note to self:) this is the season i am in, it won't always be like this, and i can't handle it on my own. this is what the Lord has given me today! and i say welcome to it. His grace is sufficient for today. by His grace, Hadley will be mothered, the scrambled egg pan will get scrubbed, and the toilet paper will be replenished. and miracle of miracles, maybe an email will even be responded to! but only by His grace.
ps. there were innumerable interruptions in the writing of this post. it takes an average of 3 days now to complete and hit publish on my thoughts :)
October 6, 2011
12 comments:
Oh my goodness, I can relate to everything you said. I am a first time mother of a 8 month old and that has been the story. "I have a little time what do I do first?" And on top of the new momness, we moved 3 days before our baby was born. I am STILL trying to get unpacked and my nest made. Thank you for the reminder that real life comes with interuptions. I needed that!
(I call my baby boy Babycakes too!)
Ahhh... I remember those days well! And when I think of them, I also remember an embroidered wall hanging I made for a friend when she had her first:
"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow...
for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow...
so quiet down cobwebs... dust go to sleep...
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep!!"
I couldn't have said it better. The lack of "productivity" was the hardest adjustment to motherhood for me, but I've learned to embrace this season and enjoy my little one.
i promise it gets super easy. my sweet girl is two now-we are about to welcome another girl-and i am nervous for the chaos! its all worth it, but once you get the groove down you've got it! there will be days where everything will get done, and you still wont feel productive enough. its all a cycle.
Hi Summer, this is so helpful and exactly where I am with 11 month old Rachel! I recently read a book "Shopping for Time" by Carolyn Mahaney (do you know her?). It was a great inspiration and practical in helping me prioritize time and putting God first in all things. I hope one day you'll be able to read it too! Thanks for blogging, I have no idea how you find the time! Love Hannah xx
So very well said, Summer.
Mmm...yes. I've also been learning about doing all things in His grace (both things I'm worried about as well as the things I think I can handle). Lately, that has involved praying over my day in the morning (the people I'll be meeting with, the things on my to do list, etc.). It's been a joy to look back in the evening and see all that He's accomplished when my heart is willing. Thanks for sharing what God's grace currently looks like in your life.
I think you and my sister would be blog friends. I follow your blog and LOVE it! She writes about being an empowered mom...take a look...http://the-shiny-side.blogspot.com/2011/09/empowered.html
And as a follow up to "Grandma G's" post, I think you would LOVE this print made by one of my dear friends. http://www.etsy.com/listing/83238781/babies-dont-keep
Can absolutely relate. Sometimes I even go so far to remind myself that there will be a day when our home is empty of kids, and I will feel a bit sad, yet I will have lots of free time. That day will come fast enough. I need to just enjoy the time I'm given today, even if it does mean running after a toddler to brush his hair, as he spills milk on the floor, and the dishes from dinner remain uncleaned.
just want I needed to read... my little ones haven't even arrived yet and I feel that way some days!
Summer, check out this blog post written by one of my favorite bloggers. She hits the nail on the head with priorities! http://www.kellehampton.com/2011/09/fitting-it-all-in-hallmark.html